I was really hungover following Soi Cowboy. Maybe because it was the first place that I visited, but I still rated Nana Plaza slightly higher than Soi Cowboy. It's not to say that Soi Cowboy wasn't fun; quite the contrary. I'd say it was like A compared to A-. I read an article that said that the red light districts are like Disneyland for men, and I completely agree. Anyone who needs an ego boost should head this way immediately ;p
Ok -- here it is...I'm going to put in a special disclaimer for this entry. This will be the most graphic of all of the red light entries. If you find this sort of thing offensive, DO NOT continue; you will be disgusted.
Now that that is out of the way, let's get started.
Patpong is located a few miles from my hotel and required me to take a train to get there. The train discontinues service at midnight, so I was cognizant of the time, and made my way to the area a little early. To me, Patpong seemed like the smallest of the three red light areas, but, overall, it's the most well known. Every time someone told me about the sites, they said I had to come to Patpong. This is where the legendary ping pong shows (girl shoots a ping pong ball out of her cooter) originated. Ever since Nikki told me the tale of her experience seeing the show, I knew I HAD to check it out.
I got out of the train station and what the hell?? A vibrant night bazaar greeted me. The setup for this area was definitely different from Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy. The strip clubs lined the street, but down the middle, street vendors sold their wares. It was really strange / comical seeing the tourist westerners walking through the middle, looking to buy counterfeited merchandise, and then appearing offended if they stumbled to the perimeter and the half-nekkid women manning the strip club entrances.
I made two interesting discoveries at the bazaar -- I saw what looked to me like a real pistol (there was only one at one place) and I stumbled into a shop that had this amazing thing. I think everyone needs one of these...
[Yes, that's an "Aliens" table -- WTF???]
Of course, these pieces were in addition to the "normal" throwing stars, switch blades, butterfly knives, vibrators, viagra, and unreleased movies. Good times...
As I was walking through the bazaar, I was trying to decide which place would have the best show. A guy pulled me from the crowd and asked me what I was searching for -- I told him I wanted to see the ping pong show, and he eventually led me to the most aptly named club I could imagine...
"Super" doesn't even begin to describe this place. Holy Shit!! I walked in and was greeted with a large stage to my left and a table to my right. House music pumped throughout. I was invited to sit at a table where the chicks were the most aggressive yet -- they all wanted a drink and wanted tips for random things. One girl got my attention, pulled down her thong, flashed me her bits, and then asked for a tip. Whaa??
I carved through the girls and headed to the stage. Without sounding too much like a little girl -- OMG!!!
The place was initially populated by mostly men, but then, as if two buses unloaded their passengers, about 30 girls entered the place to watch the show. Everyone was laughing and having a good time (complete with cheers). I sat next to a 50 year German guy and his wife (she looked petrified; while he laughed).
So, on the stage, there were about 10 Thai girls. Most of 'em were completely nekkid. The one to begin the show was an older woman, probably in her mid 40s. I didn't initially see what she inserted because there was a TON of fur, but then I saw her squatting over a piece of paper. Whaa?? She was writing something on the paper. A few minutes elapsed and then she showed the paper -- it was an outline sketch of the guy next to me with "Welcome" written down the side. Amazing!! I had to clap for that one.
The next girl stepped up and she was doing the ping pong bit. Unfortunately her distance wasn't that far on the ping pong balls. She was only able to shoot them about 2 feet or so. Boo!!
Next up was a girl who decided that she was going to insert a chain. I didn't catch when she started putting it in, but then she started pulling it out, and she continued, and continued, and continued, and continued. I was about 6 feet from the stage, and she asked me to grab the chain. I did, and then she told me to back up -- I did until I was about 8 feet from the stage, and then the chain finally relented and came out. Amazing!! She got me to applaud that one.
A super hot dancer moved to the front of the stage and tied four balloons to the top of the stage (about 8 feet high). I thought she was just making things "festive," until I saw the next girl put what looked like a blow dart shooter inside her lady parts. The shooter was sticking about 4 inches out. She laid down on her back, arched her legs, and "BANG!!" the first balloon exploded. There was definitely some force behind that. Second shot -- dead hit. She fired number three, but she missed. Boo!! She made up for it with number four. I rubbed my eyes after this one because I didn't believe it. Number four fired and took out the two remaining balloons. Wha?? I stood up to clap for that one.
Next up was the banana girl. Her first effort went woefully astray, and more or less fell out of her cooter like the last scene in Teeth. She made up for it with her second attempt. She laid down, and took dead aim at the guy next to me. She fired the 'nana and it would've hit him had he not raised his ping pong paddle at the last second to deflect it (of course he had a ping pong paddle -- this is so freakin' awesome). Holy shit!!
Finally -- the grand finale. The first girl (the artist) returned with two ciggys in her hand. She took a couple of puffs from one, lit the second one and got on her knees. She placed both of them inside. I thought, ok maybe this is bullshit, but I watched the lit part of the ciggys, and they glowed a bright red as they were "smoked." Then, to my astonishment, her bits blew out smoke. She rotated around the stage to ensure that everyone could see -- this brought thunderous applause. H-o-l-y c-r-a-p!!
The girls then went back to dancing and I decided it was time to leave. Gotta say, I was thoroughly impressed. I made the last train and got home; again feeling satisfied with my evening. Good times, indeed!
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